Newsflash, I’m a writer—I know you all are surprised to hear that. Plot twists are part and parcel of my toolkit—another big surprise, huh?

I love a good plot twist that sends the story skittering off in an unexpected direction. Or one that reveals heretofore unknown information that ups the stakes and changes everything. I could go on, but you get the idea. A good plot twist can be fantastic.

On the other hand, if they are trite and worn out—the evil twin, ‘it was only a dream’, the kind mentor as an evil mastermind — we could all do without another round of those.

And what about when a story just throws plot twist after plot twist? I attach the nametag of soap opera/telanovela/melodrama to its chest, thank it for its efforts, and encourage a brisk exit as I shut the door behind it.

And that is more or less what I would like to do right now.

Sadly, I’m not talking about the book in progress or Netflix’s latest offering. No, that would be too easy—there’s a nice big red ‘off’ button for that. No, the problem is that life is throwing the plot twists instead of my favorite streaming service.

Since January, we’ve had:

The sudden, unexpected crisis plot twist.

Melodramatic foreshadowing.

The hero-turned-villain plot twist.

I’m done with this game exit attempt.

But wait, there’s secret information that changes everything plot twist.

See above, I’m done.

No, you’re not.

Yes, I am.

And now enter Plot B (seriously, though, one plot is quite enough.)

Mysterious secret information that may or may not be true.

No one likes me. Everyone hates me. Flee in the middle of the night plot twist.

Are they done? Yes, they are.

No, they’re not. This thing instead.

Ok yes, it’s done.

More secret information. Nope, not done yet.

Sudden, unforeseen crisis plot twist.

And another hero to villain plot twist…

Stop. Wait, guys, didn’t we just do this a couple of months ago?

Stands slowly … rips the manuscript once … twice … three times and tosses it dramatically into the fire.

Enough is enough already. We’re now reusing plot twists like we’ve forgotten how to be creative. This simply must stop.

The audience is getting whiplash, and what’s worse, we’re straining the bounds of credulity. Scratch that, we’re well past that mark.

So, what comes next?

I don’t know. Gosh, I wish I did so I could prepare a deliciously clever comeback. But no.

I have some suggestions, though. How about an upbeat plot twist. It seems like there should be one around now.

A relative I didn’t know I had could leave me something neat, like a winning lottery ticket, or a haunted typewriter? That could be fun. Maybe a surprise movie deal for my books. That would be a fabulous plot twist, wouldn’t it? Ooo, while I’m bordering on the ridiculous, how about being tapped to write the screenplay for those movies!

A gal’s gotta dream big with these plot twists, right?

So, while I wait on those coming through, I think I’ll find another piece of chocolate, a warm sunbeam, a good book and a purring cat.