Once an acquaintance was established and calling cards exchanged, formal visits could be exchanged. What were the rules that governed those visits in Austen’s day?

Formal calls

There were several other types of ‘visits in form’, calls considered a duty rather than a pleasure. Duty visits were hard to evade as a decent level of social exchange was expected and individuals  could be rebuked for their inattentiveness. These duty visits included calls to acknowledge hospitality, the newly-married, childbirth, bereavement and those in straitened circumstances.

Calls for condolence and congratulations were typically made about a week after the event. Ceremonial visits to acknowledge parties, balls and other invitations were paid sooner, a day after a ball, within two days of a dinner party and within a week of a small party. These calls would be paid later in the day than ‘morning calls,’ typically between three and four in the afternoon.

Wedding visits were rigorously observed, extending a month or two after the marriage. The neighbors of gentry status would call on the couple in their own home. Then the visits would be returned and possibly one or more parties held in the couple’s honor.  

Calls to the bereaved and suffering were part of the duties of an estate’s mistress.  It was up to her to look after her less fortunate neighbors a personal visit every week or two. On such visits she might deliver food and medicinal preparations made in her own kitchen and still room, give advice, and lend an ear to their complaints. These visits were often the only support system for the indigent in the neighborhood.  

Morning visits

Less formal visits, morning calls were actually paid between the time of rising and that of eating dinner, effectively between  eleven in the morning and three in the afternoon. Earlier calls might interfere with breakfast or a lady’s morning household duties. Later visits might suggest indecorous attempts at securing an invitation for dinner.  The earlier in the day, the less close the acquaintance, the later the greater degree of intimacy between the parties.

Morning visit were expected to last for at least fifteen minutes, but certainly not more than half an hour. Callers were received by men in their business room or library. Women took calls the morning room or in their drawing-room. Pets and children, both regarded as potentially destructive and annoying, were not welcome on morning calls.

What to do during a visit? 

The heart of polite sociability was conversation. The whole purpose of conversation was to please other people and to be deemed pleasing. In general, conversation was tightly controlled by rules of etiquette as well. Unsurprisingly , the list of unacceptable topics far outnumbered the acceptable ones. (More on that next time!)

In order to take advantage of afternoon light, women would work on their needlework during a call. Even in wealthy households, a great deal of a woman’s time was spent sewing. Often times men’s shirts were not made by tailors, but by the woman of the house according to patterns handed down through the family. Simple body linen and nightdresses might also be made at home. Estate mistresses might make baby dresses and children’s clothes for the poor in the neighborhood. Sometimes visitors brought their own work or the hostess would offer her visitors pieces to work on. It was considered more genteel to continue with one’s ‘fancywork’ (often embroidery or decorative needlework) rather than ‘plain’ shirt-making or mending.

What would you talk about or bring along to sew during a social call? Tell me in the comments.

Find references HERE

Find out more about Formal Visits HERE

Find out more about Introductions HERE

Find more in the series HERE