Dinner parties were a frequent occurrence during the holiday season. When trying to rise into higher levels of society, a family’s social standing could be made or broken by the ability to conform to all the conventions associated with these formal events.

If one was invited to dinner, etiquette guides suggested that punctuality was a mark of good breeding, so one should plan to arrive a quarter of an hour before the appointed time. If a party contained a man of rank, they could expect the man of the house to meet them at the coach door and usher them inside.  The company would assemble in the drawing room to wait for dinner. Once all the guests had arrived and dinner was announced, guests proceeded to the dining room.  Two different styles of procession were noted with a transition between them occurring in the middle of the Regency era. 

Early in the period, the ladies entered the dining room first, without the men. The mistress of the house would quietly gather the ladies who would assemble by ranks. The highest ranking lady would lead the rest of the company into the dining room. The rest followed in order of precedence.  The hostess would bring up the rear of the company. Once the ladies had taken their seats, the gentlemen would follow the same procedure.

In general, individuals were keenly aware of their own rank and where they stood in relation to everyone else. The order of precedence remained consistent in all circumstances: 1) Aristocracy (everyone from the rank of baron and baroness upward) entered before commoners (baronets, knights and all others without titles. 2) Titled commoners (baronets and knights) and their offspring went before untitled folks. 3) Married women went before single women, though some awkwardness could ensue when seniority of age clashed with seniority of rank. 

In the later part of the era, etiquette dictated that each gentleman should offer an arm to escort a lady into the dining room. The host always escorted the female guest of the highest social position, and the highest ranking male guest escorted the hostess. From there, paired by precedence, the ladies and gentlemen advanced to the dining room. Poor relations and guests of low consequence followed at the end of the procession

Within the dining room, guests were not assigned seats.  The hostess sat at the head of the table with the ranking male guest at her right. The host took the foot of the table with the ranking female guest at his right.  Other guests were free to select their own seats as they chose though there was a tacit understanding that seats closest to the hostess should be taken by the highest ranking guests.

Conventions later in the era suggested alternate male-female seating around the table, although little effort was generally made it insure equal numbers of male and female guests. As a general rule, husbands and wives did not sit together. One saw enough of one’s spouse at home and ought to mingle with others instead.

Food

Dinner during the Regency was an elaborate affair encompassing several courses with a multitude of dishes at each. It was an opportunity for the hostess to be remembered for her display of wealth and hospitality.  Guests were offered with soup, meat, game, pickles, jellies, vegetables, custards, puddings—anywhere from five to twenty five dishes depending on the grandeur of the occasion. Hostesses who wanted to be especially well remembered might offer a themed meal or one that featured unique and unusual dishes.

The first course always included soup and fish, often, more than one choice for each. The hostess served the soup, the host, the fish. He also carved all the meat joints. The first course included other dishes as well: meat, poultry, vegetables, and starches all on the table at the same time. In order to accommodate more dishes than the table would physically hold at one time, courses might include a ‘remove’ where half way through the course one dish was removed and replaced with another delicacy.

At the end of the course, the dishes and first table cloth would be cleared away. The fresh table cloth, underneath the first would be reset with a second course, similar to, but somewhat lighter than the first.  At the end of the second course, the dishes and final tablecloth would be cleared and a dessert course would be served. Dessert included fruits, nuts, candies, biscuits and little cakes, sweetmeats and even ice creams. Fortunately guests were not expected to try every dish on the table.

 Each gentleman would serve himself and his neighbors from the dishes within his reach.  If a dish was required from another part of the table, a manservant would be sent to fetch it. It was not good form to ask a neighbor to pass a dish. It was equally bad manners for the ladies to help themselves. They had to be served by the gentlemen.

Gentlemen also poured wine for the ladies near them. If any of the company seem slow in asking for wine, the master would invite them to drink, lest he be thought to grudge his liquor.

After the roasts of meat had been carved, a toast to good health would be proposed. Gentlemen could make lengthy toasts – and toasts in response to each other’s toasts. This ceremony could go on to excess, leading to interruption of the meal and drunkenness. It fell out of favor toward the end of the Regency period.

Specific rules had to be followed while eating.  The soup course could never be refused, even if the diner only toyed with it until the fish course.  If one ate the soup, it was scooped with the spoon away from the diner and sipped from the side of the spoon, not the point.  Sipping should be accomplished noiselessly—one could not eat too quietly. 

Eating quickly (which inferred poverty) or very slowly (which inferred dislike of the food) was considered vulgar. Those who showed too much interest in their food or were overly finicky about it opened themselves to criticism.

Diners must not eat with their nose in the plate nor bring food to her mouth with a knife. If food had any liquid, it should be sopped with the bread and then raised it to the mouth. A lady’s napkin belonged in her lap, a gentlemen’s tucked in his collar.  Between courses, water in finger bowls was available so that mouths could be rinsed or hands washed as fingers were probably used as frequently as forks.

During dinner, one did not scratch any part of the body, spit, lean elbows on the table, sit too far from the table, or pick teeth before the dishes were removed. A guest did not leave the table before grace was said.  

Conversation

During dinner, a gentleman was expected to entertain the ladies nearest him with engaging conversation. It was not polite to talk behind one guest’s back to another, still less to shout down the table. To reduce general noise and confusion, there were rules of protocol developed for dinner conversation. During the first course, the conversation would flow to the hostesses’ left. When the second course was set, the hostess would turn to the guest on her right, thus “turning the table” and conversation would flow to her right.

The list of unacceptable topics far outnumbered the acceptable ones. A polite individual did not ask direct personal questions of someone they had just met. To question or even compliment anyone else on the details of their dress might also be regarded as impertinent. Scandal and gossip should be omitted from public conversation. Any references to pregnancy, childbirth, or other natural bodily functions were considered coarse and carefully sidestepped. A man could sometimes discuss his hunters or driving horses in the presence of ladies, though, it was discouraged. 

Withdrawing

After dessert, the hostess might lead the ladies away for some time of sex-segregated interaction.  The practice was not universal, but it was common. The hostess would ascertain by a glance that her female guests were ready to withdraw to the drawing room (hence the name of the room.) She would rise and the other ladies would follow her out, in rank order. Without the gentlemen, the ladies engaged in polite conversation, sometimes one or another would play the piano, or a game might be played.

After the ladies departed, the host would produce a decanter of port and perhaps cigars. They would generally drink, talk about subjects like politics or even introduce salacious matter and jokes, something strictly forbidden in the presence of ladies. After an hour or so, they would rejoin the ladies for parlor games, music and amusements.

The success of an event and possibly the standing of the family, especially if they were seeking admission into higher level of society, often depended on the hostesses ability to cope with all the details of etiquette with good management, excellent food, well-planned guest lists, and a liberal supply of social grace to handle whatever unexpected challenges the event might throw her way. 

References

A Lady of Distinction   –   Regency Etiquette, the Mirror of Graces (1811). R.L. Shep Publications (1997)

Black, Maggie & Le Faye, Deirdre   –   The Jane Austen Cookbook. Chicago Review Press (1995)

Byrne, Paula   –   Contrib. to Jane Austen in Context. Cambridge University Press (2005)

Day, Malcom   –   Voices from the World of Jane Austen. David & Charles (2006)

Downing, Sarah Jane   –   Fashion in the Time of Jane Austen. Shire Publications (2010)

Jones, Hazel   –   Jane Austen & Marriage . Continuum Books (2009)

Lane, Maggie   –   Jane Austen’s World. Carlton Books (2005)

Lane, Maggie   –   Jane Austen and Food. Hambledon (1995)

Laudermilk, Sharon & Hamlin, Teresa L.   –   The Regency Companion. Garland Publishing (1989)

Le Faye, Deirdre   –   Jane Austen: The World of Her Novels. Harry N. Abrams (2002)

Ray, Joan Klingel   –   Jane Austen for Dummies. Wiley Publishing, Inc. (2006)

Ross, Josephine   –   Jane Austen’s Guide to Good Manners. Bloomsbury USA (2006)

Selwyn, David   –   Jane Austen & Leisure. The Hambledon Press (1999)

Trusler, John   –   The Honours of the Table or Rules for Behavior During Meals. Literary-Press (1791)

Vickery, Amanda   –   The Gentleman’s Daughter. Yale University Press (1998)