Reason #64 Why writing takes so long
#64 Crazy Stalkers
Ever have the feeling that you’re being watched? I certainly do.
Twelve shiny eyes seem to follow me around the house, wherever I go. Even if I close a door behind me, pink jellybean toes reach for me as high pitched voices cry out in anguish at my absence.
In short, I have a band of personal stalkers.
Some days, I grant you, the attention is nice. The writing life can be lonely at times and weeks can go by when I don’t really interact with actual warm blooded types without making a concerted effort to do so. My personal stakers remind me that there is life beyond the keyboard and I really ought to take part in it. That part I really appreciate.
But–and you knew that part was coming–it isn’t all furry-purries and cuddles. No my stalkers can be incredibly demanding.
To start with, they all have an uncanny sense of time. Although they cannot actually tell time–but then again I’m not positive about that as I’ve never actually seen them stare at a clock and walk away looking puzzled–they always know breakfast and dinner time. We might be in the middle of a hurricane, without power and worried about evacuating, but ‘fooding time’ is sacred.
They start gathering about an hour ahead, stationing a sentinel at the door to make sure they can’t possibly miss an important move toward the fooding station. Half an hour before, all of them gather, circling stalkers who will not be deterred. Dinner time (in particular) is far too important to miss. I think they don’t even blink during that half hour.
I wonder if our fingers twitch in anticipation of opening cans. Whatever the sign, the astute students of body language that is our band of stalkers bolt into action when dinner is imminent, following as surely as a great cat after a gazelle, not to be denied.
With all that effort, one would think our band of stalkers must be emaciated and near starviing. One would be wrong, most definitely wrong. I don’t think anyone of them has missed a meal since coming into our company and at least one of them looks like he’s scrounged up a few extra somehow. No one is going hungry around here for sure.
But try to tell the stalkers that and they will inform you, that may be the case, but you really don’t understand. Dinner is definitely worth stalking for!
We get the exact same thing with our two dogs! Their food and bowls live in our front porch and for about an hour before (their) meal times, there can only be one reason in their minds for anyone to even think about going in there. Doesn’t matter if one of us needs to go outside for something. Oh no! And if we don’t need to venture out of doors, they suddenly become very affectionate and needing lots of fuss. Which can be interesting when they’re the size ours are (Shepher/lurcher crosses). Apparently we never, ever feed them and they’re wasting away into a bundle of skin and bones. Try telling that to my feet right now – it’s nearly 7:30am, I’m sitting in bed having a last cup of tea before I get dressed and set off for work in half an hour and my feet are slowly losing all sensation because someone has draped himself all over my lower legs.
Would we change any of this? I bet your answer is the same as ours. Not in a million years!
Definitely! A home needs its furry denizens!
Have you considered a restraining order?? These stalkers can be as bad as paparazzi. Lawd… the price of fame. I hope these guys are trustworthy and are not stealing plot bunnies and selling them on the fan fiction version of the black market. Have you noticed any overt attention to your screen as you write? Keep an eye out for cell phones… they may attempt to screenshot crucial scenes… spoilers of upcoming releases. Listen for conversations that would indicate that they are spilling clues to their superiors. You may have to get a feline code talker to interpret their nefarious plans. These spy cells are devious. I wish you well in your endeavors to write amid the flashing eyes of the nefarious feline-six. LOL!!
LOL!! Does the 30lbs of furry kitty laying across my desk count? Then yeah, probably they are watching the screen. LOL