Continuing on the theme of making dreams into reality, we come to one of my old familiar friends, fear. Fear has always played a big role in my life and I’ve discovered that the only way to do anything, at least for me, is to do it afraid.

Doing it Afraid

Growing up, I was taught to be afraid of absolutely everything. A new danger, a new problem lurked behind every door and in every new experience, disaster was hovering only a hairsbreadth away. Nothing was ever going to be ok, it was all dread and doom, no matter what it was. You might fail, you might get hurt, you might be embarrassed (or embarrass me), you might not be the best, you might not attend to other more important things… The list goes on and on and on. Ad nauseum it goes on.

To make things even more challenging, when I’d try something I was afraid of, like the year I ran track. The effort was completely ignored. No support, no encouragement. It was as if what I was doing didn’t exist at all; a subtle punishment for trying something that I should be afraid to do.

If that wasn’t enough, I’d been taught that peace was a sign I was going in the right direction and lack of peace meant I was heading off into the weeds.

The trouble with that idea was that when fear is as automatic as breathing, its part of the default setting. It’s always there. And you’re afraid when you’re not afraid.

How crazy is that? Crazy and paralyzing.

I had to come to the point where I accepted the fact I was going to be afraid and just got on with life. When being afraid only meant ‘standard operating procedures’ things changed, dramatically. Not as in I stopped being afraid—nope, that’s still firmly in place. What changed is that I started doing things. I found the strength to say yes.

• I changed majors in college totally afraid of what my parents would do.
• I went to grad school and studied what I wanted all the while looking over my shoulder for the monster to jump out of the closet and get me.
• I took my first college teaching job and faced my first classroom scared almost speechless.
• I started writing again, horrified at the thought of showing anyone my stories.
• I took up martial arts with my kids terrified of every stinkin’ aspect of it.
• I posted my writing online, petrified in anticipation of criticism.
• I published my first book so anxious of ridicule I used a pen name. (Now I’m stuck with it, but that’s another story…never admitted that before, by the way.)

I’ve been afraid an awful lot.

The Fruit of All the Fears

But since I’ve gone on and done things while shaking in my running shoes, a lot of good things have happened:

• I earned a quadruple undergraduate major. Not enough room on the diploma to print it all! Kinda cool, huh?
• I got a PhD before I was 30 in an area that has made a difference in my life and my families every single day.
• I taught for 16 years and have done public speaking all over the country, and discovered I absolutely love doing it—even though I’m on edge every single time.
• I earned two black belts in two martial arts with my kids. We had a remarkable journey together that few moms share with their boys .
• And I’ve gotten to do what I truly love, writing. I published my fortieth book. Still can’t quite grasp that.

If being afraid is the price I’ve had to pay for so many awesome opportunities and experiences, then it has been well worth it.