By the Book: Mr. Collins' Proposal - Random Bits of Fascination
 
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By the Book: Mr. Collins’ Proposal — 25 Comments

  1. Poor Mr. Collins, it sounds like he certainly followed all the rules making a very exemplary offer of marriage. All of the rules make sense to me except for the part where it was common for a woman to refuse the first, second and sometimes third time someone asks. That seems cruel that a man would not know whether she meant her refusal or whether to continue his suit. Thanks for the post and giveaway.

  2. Very interesting post. I actually went back and read the entire proposal scene with the information you shared in mind. While he is still rather ridiculous, especially when he mentions Lady Catherine repeatedly, I don’t suppose his thoughts or feelings on the subject are as ludicrous as a modern reader might suppose. Now I have to go back and read Darcy’s Hunsford proposal…was that as bad as I remember?

    Thanks for teaching me something this morning!

  3. I did not realize that Mr. Collins was following Regency protocol. I can easily understand, now, why he stated he would propose again. The humorous aspect is that Elizabeth clearly indicated on many occasions that she did not was an offer of marriage from him but he, of course, did not see it. Nor did Darcy see it and they were both refused! Thank you for the giveaway.

  4. I am sure Mr. Collins would have been much better received…If he took the time and trouble to attempt to discern the lady’s inclinations before offering his hand. He took the mother’s enthusiasm to be a reflection of the daughter’s standing. He could have used that proposal with Charlotte and she would be perfectly happy. I have to mention though that in his proposal Collins does a sort of back track thing with saying he should have mentioned Lady Catherine’s instructions and thoughts on the matter FIRST. “Violence” of his feelings…who says that? Is he going to crush her in his embrace? Mangle her, strangle her…with his attentions? Get away from me.

  5. And I thought WE had a lot of dating rules that I never knew about or understood. Sounds like the Regency period had even more. And to be asked by Mr. Collins, eww. Thank you for a chance to win.

  6. Well I suppose it was right for the period but Mr Collins??? Elizabeth would never have accepted him no matter the manner of his proposal! I totally agree with her refusal as I think she would have rather lived in poverty than with him (I know I would!) Now Mr Darcy should have stopped after his first sentence although with her thoughts at that time she would have still refused him (hmm, maybe a touch of insanity in her family?).
    Thanks for this post.

  7. Thank you for all the interesting facts on regency etiquette. Mr Collins and Mr Darcy should have paid attention more to Elizabeth then her Mother.

  8. I first read P&P so many years ago, I don’t remember how I felt about the proposal back then, but I’ve known for a long time that by standards of the day, he was totally appropriate – although he was rather dense in not realizing that Lizzie was trying to avoid it. I enjoy both your fiction and non. I actually do have the Given Good Principles set in Kindle (although I haven’t read it yet), but would love to also have it in paperback, especially since I can give it to my mom to read. Thanks for the opportunity.

  9. Collins didn’t get the approval of the correct parent–to me it seems as though he showed disrespect for Mr Bennet in not going to see him, as head of the household, first. (I daresay it wouldn’t have changed the story at all. Bennet, for his own amusement, would have allowed Collins to speak to Lizzy.)

  10. Collins may have followed all the rules in his proposal, but Darcy certainly broke them all in his, although he did acknowledge her [and Jane’s] virtue in his letter. It’s amazing what people say when their arrogance leads them to believe that the rules don’t apply to them, and that their sense of entitlement will give them whatever they want.

  11. Mr. Collins may have followed the rules of the Regency period, but Elizabeth vowed to marry for love. She didn’t love him nor even respect him. Any he could really have any feelings for Elizabeth either. They haven’t known each other long enough for any feeling other than observing his disgusting habits: greasy hair, smelly, gorges every meal, talks with his mouth killed with food, and his nattering on about us patroness.

  12. I’m not sure that your excellent article changed my opinion of him by much, but it is interesting that he followed prescribed methods. He seems to adhere or reject as it suits him, though, like when he introduced himself to Darcy after discovering he was Lady Catherine’s nephew. Thanks for the article, and for the giveaway!

  13. I may be wrong and look at it from a modern perspective, but weren’t those rules changing somewhat right then? I mean, none of Austen’s heroes talked to their intended girl’s parents before proposing to the girl herself. Obviously, the engegement depended on parental approval, but Darcy, Bingley, Capt. Wentworth, Knightley etc. did not wait for it before securing the acceptance of their beloved girls. I don’t really think JA intended for her audience to conclude that they all behaved improperly… It’s just one example though. The whole proposal seems to suggest that the letter of the rules isn’t enough if one doesn’t get the spirit of them. The idea that the gentleman wasn’t supposed to take a refusal seriously (because, well, how could she be such a jilt!) is something I did not know about. I guess, at least in theory, a gentleman would not get to the situation of proposing unless he had a reasonable chance of being accepted (in Mr. Collins’s case, Mrs. Bennet’s obstinacy did not allow Elizabeth’s “no” signals to go through).

    Thanks for the thought provoking post!

  14. The absurdity of Mr. Collins telling Elizabeth that he will try again and her refusal does her credit I now see in a different light. What a horrible fashion, it sounds like proposing was high stakes and I am glad to not be bound by such rules (and that my refusals were heard the first time).

  15. What an interesting article! So Mr Collins was just being proper! lol. Poor Elizabeth! Thanks for the giveaway! 🙂

  16. I think, while Mr. Collins was following all the rules, he couldn’t grasp the subtleties of proposing marriage. He had no natural grace or common sense so he did everything by rote. He must have had a handbook – Gentle Living for Dummies. I think he was aware that he did everything wrong but couldn’t figure out what or why. That is why Charlotte was an ideal wife for him. She could steer him in the right direction and he ended up acknowledging that in his own weird way. That’s why he attended Darcy’s and Elizabeth’s marriage instead of comiserating with Lady Catherine.

  17. I have always thought of Mr Collins as being over the top in absolutely EVERYTHING he does LOL. Although I never liked his character because of that, I never thought of his proposal to Elizabeth that odd. He is definitely a “dandy” character in the same way as Thackeray’s Jos Sedley from Vanity Fair. They both have the same type of personality in different ways. And they are both outspoken and over the top on most of their ideas. In certain ways I also see Mr. Collins as a Darcy of sorts. I know that sounds weird but if you think about it – they both are prejudiced against the Bennetts (as Mr. Collins is always making sure to let them know about their “place”) and they both are very proud – Mr. Collins obviously because of his affiliation with Lady Catherine. And of course they both go overboard on their beliefs and such – Darcy is just not so outspoken. But he does have those values he holds so dear that women should be proficient in so many things – just as Mr. Collins does. So even though I think they were meant to be opposites I actually see a lot of similarities. So anyways like I said I was never a fan of Mr. Collins so this didn’t change my opinion, I just think he was doing what was normal in most society but just doing it in his own fantastical way 🙂

  18. I understand much better now the way things were done in those days, thank you, but Mr. Collins is still too greasy and smarmy for me to appreciate, even if what he said was not truly obnoxious in those days. Thank you very much though, for the education. I love reading your articles and learning more about the mores of the times!

  19. If Collin’s proposal was appropriate for the period, I think I only showcases how awful Darcy’s first proposal was. It also shows Elizabeth’s dedication to her ideals of marriage for love. It is, of course, much more fun to think of the proposal as ridiculous and much easier to decline. Thank you as always for the background info!

  20. Collins’ proposal did always make me cringe, but it could be because of his description added to the proposal. Now the proposal makes more sense as it follows protocol perfectly, but what else would we expect someone who makes comments with as an unstudied way as possible and is parson to Lady Catherine. 🙂

  21. I feel certain that there are several other requirements for a proper proposal, including actually asking for a young lady’s hand and permitting an opportunity for her to respond, both of which were lacking in Mr Collins’ proposal. So, no, his proposal does not improve when it is analyzed according to expectations at the time.

    Based on the information you provided, I wonder if Elizabeth ever told Darcy that Mr Collins proposed to her. After all of the JAFF stories I have read, it is difficult to remember what actually happened in P&P. But I don’t think she did. Interesting.

  22. This was very interesting. I find Mr. Collins to be a character that wants to do all by the book ( or at least the way Lady Catherine wishes) so I can see him following the protocol of the time to the letter. So, yes, he did propose properly, but his proposal still seems very unromatic and stiff to me. Thanks for sharing this article with us.

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  24. Your description of the Regency era propriety of Mr. Collins’s proposal of marriage to Elizabeth Bennet was indeed enlightening. Likewise, her refusal sans terseness I now understand more than ever. Thank you for the illuminating discourse on the subject.

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