Period dramas have left many of us with the notion that ladies of the landed gentry in the Regency era had little to do but dress in lovely gowns, embroider and gossip.  Reality could not be farther from this image.

In general, both master and mistress of the manor did a great deal of work around the estate, often working alongside the servants in the efforts to get everything done. Labor tended to be divided along gender lines. So much so that single men sought female relatives to manage their households. Bachelors looked to sister or nieces while widowers often called upon daughters or the dead wife’s kin.  

So, even if a woman did not marry, there was a very strong possibility she might take on the responsibilities of a household sometime in her lifetime.  Gentlemen tended to respect the household mistress’ authority; her contributions to the home had worth equal to his.

Responsibilities of the Mistress

The role of an estate’s mistress was the equivalent of, depending on the size of the estate, managing a small hotel to being the CEO of a major corporation. She oversaw the finances, food service, hiring and training of the staff, procurement, charitable contributions of the ‘company’ as well as the interior design of the ‘corporate headquarters’ and entertaining. Depending on her intelligence, she might also assist her husband with overall estate business. While accomplishing all this, she was also expected to raise her children and cared for sick family members. Talk about a working mother.

Children

The mistress’ responsibilities to her children are perhaps the most obvious.  First, she was expected to provide them in the first place. A man expected to have an heir to whom he could pass the estate. Once children were born, it was on her shoulders to hire the nursery maids and governess, if the estate could afford them. If not, she would care for them herself. She was responsible for their education, whether she conducted it herself or hired others to teach them.  

As her daughters grew older, it was her role to insure they acquired the expected accomplishments for their station. A young woman’s accomplishments were a primary way for her to attract attention from potential marriage partners and getting her daughters well married was an important task for any mother. The degree of a woman’s accomplishments reflected both her family’s wealth and their commitment to having her marry well.

Necessary female accomplishments included singing, playing an instrument, dancing, speaking French and possibly Italian, drawing and painting, sewing and decorative needlework, elegant penmanship, and the ability to conduct polite conversation that revealed suitable knowledge of history, literature and poetry. Reading aloud in a pleasing manner might also be considered as part of this list, although not nearly as significant as the others. Interestingly enough, sufficient understanding of mathematics to manage household ledgers was also required.

The mistress of the house would tutor them in the skills she could and arrange for masters to be brought in to teach the rest, if the family finances allowed. Girls might also spend time away at school to attain some of these accomplishments.

Dancing, singing and playing music were particularly valuable accomplishments because they displayed the young woman’s body and bearing to potential suitors. The harp was considered as the most distinguished instrument, but most girls had to settle for the piano.  No well-bred lady would ever play a wind instrument as blowing into something might result in a red face or heaving bosom, neither of which would be particularly attractive. Similarly, the violin was not an appropriate instrument for a lady because raising the arms to play it in a short bodied dress was an invitation to disaster. Moreover, while one could fudge and slur their way through a piano piece, the violin was not an instrument for amateurs.  

 Finances