To Pick up the Sword…or Not
A key component of storytelling is deciding what point (or points) of view to tell the story in. I’m finishing up a book that is told in two alternating POVs, the two main characters trading off each chapter. There are two major plot lines in the story and the best way to manage them is to show them through the eyes of the characters. I’m at a point in the book where a traumatic event is happening, and it looks very different for the two characters. Trying to decide which POV to use and when to switch is a bit of a juggling act.
While giving the current scene a good hard think, I was reminded of several recent, uncomfortable events I experienced that might have appeared very different from the POV of the other character in the scene. I admit, at the time each of these happened, I had a lot of strong, not-so-pleasant feelings, and some not so kind words thought about the other people involved. Thankfully, I applied Thumper’s Rule: If you don’t got somethin’ nice to say, don’t say nuthin’ at all, just in the nick of time. Maybe not perfectly, but at least in time that no one but the cats heard my less-than-proud-moments of muttering.
Now that I’ve gotten a little distance from those moments of impact, I am trying to remember that those events that might look very different from another POV. That person sending that cold-call style email demanding that I do them a favor that is outside my bailiwick could have been a frustrated, semi-desperate individual, with no understanding of how they were coming across. The email which asked me to defend my writing choices and persuade them why they should read any more of my books when they didn’t like the one they had just finished probably didn’t sound nearly so confrontational or entitled when it was being written, maybe just their style of communication. The writer of that post that just had to call attention to flaws in something I’d done could have been intended as a compliment, not a criticism, no matter how I felt reading it.
In some ways, these were the easy ones. The ones taking place in internet-land, not in real, face-to-face space. The in-real-time situations are so much harder, in part because I can’t just walk away and think things through before responding. In part, because the other person is right there, amid their own POV on things, often emoting all over the place, spreading around toxic emotional waste, and I didn’t wear my hazmat suit.
As much as I prefer not to leave things unfinished, to respond when the situation is there, in both face-to-face and in internet situations, sometimes the very best choice is simply to apply Thumpers Rule and walk away. Not every offense is intended, important, or needs to be addressed. And some that are, well, there’s just no way to improve the situation by continuing to engage.
Walking away can be the right answer. Not every battle needs to be fought. Not every hill needs to be taken for the cause. Just because I am hurt or offended or annoyed, I don’t need to take up sword and shield and defeat the one who would dare cross me. Putting away the sword and walking away may well be a more courageous act that taking it up to fight.
The challenge lies in being able to identify which one is which.
Salut Maria
You are so courageous to tell us and you are right.
I myself fancy sometimes to strike back – not in a vulgar way but in an extremely clever way of course😉😉 – but then my even cleverer part tells me to say nuthin at all or react in a kind way. As I am quite selfish, this is costing me less energy in the end and does not bind me to the person.
Have a happy time💐
Doris
Interesting because I received a phone message where I was “barked at” in an annoying and demanding voice. I responded with a text message. The person doesn’t like text messages. Then they called using the same tone of voice, but I had company and couldn’t talk. I always talk on speaker phone. I don’t put phones near my ears. There’s been silence ever since. There’s a way to handle all situations. Being civil is the first step.
This made me think of Romans 12:18 – “if possible, as far as it depends on you, be peaceable with all men.” It also reminded me of my friend Carl, who said “when in doubt, always do the KIND thing.”
This isn’t always easy, and you don’t always get the response you hope for, but I try.
Very insightful post, Maria Grace. A couple of times when I got very negative, attacking comments online, I stepped away, spent time thinking and praying about the situation and for the person, then responded as kindly as I could. If they continued to attack, I stopped responding. I think especially online it’s very hard to know what the person’s background is, where they’re coming from, what they’re experiencing that day, as you say. We need to assume the best, though sometimes it’s very hard! And there are times to set firm boundaries. As June said, we want to be peacemakers, “as far as it depends on us.”
Love that you quoted from Bambi, which I saw as a child and never really forgot.
Thank you for your candor. I must own to sharing Darcy’s famous excuse about not having the talent some enjoy of being able to catch the tone of conversation…
This is especially true in written exchanges where personal cues are absent. The art of written correspondence has been somewhat lost to emojis and incomplete sentences.
Well written!! I have rarely regretted staying quiet and considering others’ points of view. I have frequently regretted “picking up my sword.” The exceptions to this come when defending animals, children and others who cannot defend themselves.
Written communications do not always accurately convey the feelings of the author, and I have observed a number of situations that escalated due to misunderstanding the initial intent. A question asked in curiosity that was perceived as an attack gets answered with a counterattack, and all hell breaks loose.
I enjoy books where differing perspectives of the same experience are told!