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A most difficult and delicate issue — 5 Comments

  1. Makes me glad I was born when I was. It still happens today but at least there is some way for the lucky ones to get away.

    Back in the day women were the mans property there are countless examples abuse happening in literature. I for one enjoy the book and thought the complexities of the relationships within this book added to the depth of the story. Looking forward to more.

    • Thanks, Terri. I think you’re right, it was far more difficult to escape in the past, at least for women because of the society restrictions on them. But One of the biggest issues about escaping today is being able to realize what is going on. I think that remains nearly as difficult as ever. It’s very hard to wrap one’s head around that it is actually happening to them.

  2. In 1980,my 17 year old son, who had a unique cardiovascular anomaly and congenital heart disease, wrote me a letter the night before a surgery from which he was not anticipated to recover, and he did not It dealt with many thing, but one line I remember was, Make Nanna stop abusing Poppa. It was a shock to me to discover John, who was in all respects but his heart a normal, light – hearted and sometimes light headed teenage iconoclast, but he dared to speak of that which the rest of us overlooked. Few outsiders would have guessed. My father was the handsome one, the more educated, the more approachable. He was a middle level aerospace executive. My mother was a homemaker They had known one another since they were 6 and 7. But she was the dominate person in the relationship. After she died in 1992, when my adult daughter, my sister and I were cleaning out her things, we found all of her treasured mementos thrown in the trash, my father’s one act of rebellion. Because John had spent time with them when he was recuperating from earlier bouts of illness while I worked in law offices, he saw it clearly. But in the six years of my father’s remaining life, he behaved as a child whose discipline had been removed. He squandered the one thing of which my mother was most proud–their real estate holdings which she had procured and managed. To outsiders, theirs was a love story. that lasted 80 years until my father died. If it was, it was bittersweet at best.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss Linda. He sounds like a delightful boy. I applaud his courage to speak up the way he did. Abuse is difficult to spot, especially within a family. No one wants to believe it is happening. There’s also a lot of elaborate defenses built up within a family to hide and excuse what is really going on. He must have been very astute to see it for what it was.

      My own parents are very much like that and it is a brutal thing to watch.

      Thanks so much for sharing something so sensitive.

  3. As a caseworker with Children, Youth & Families for many years I worked in the Abuse Unit for a time. The age range was from infants upward. And even if the abuser was removed or the victim was removed from the situation the lasting affects (PTSD) did not go away. I am sorry to hear of your loss also, Linda. Yes, our children hate friction…among parents, grandparents or even in friends’ or relatives’ homes. And the statistics show that the abuse travels down with generations. Sadly. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    At times, even we caseworkers had workshops to deal with what we suffered in witnessing the abuse or even deaths of children or people on our caseloads.

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