The Extensive Musings of Mr. Collins on the Occasion of his Cousin’s Wedding

An interesting bit of musing to add to P&P 200. Who knew what went on in Mr. Collins’ mind before his cousins married?

Breakfast should have been a quiet affair, but it seemed few meals were at Lucas Lodge. Mr. Collins squeezed his temples. So much banal chatter soured his stomach and ruined his appetite.

His wife’s brothers brought reports on new arrivals at Netherfield Park while her younger sister was brimming over with talk of lace and dresses. Collins could not bring himself to care about the brides’ gowns and even less what the other ladies of their party would wear. How could Charlotte listen so patiently to all that blather? He was embarrassed that her parents failed to curb the exuberance of the young people at their table.

Thank heavens his wife did not bring such manners with her into his home. Though she patiently listened and politely smiled thought the entire disgraceful display, he was certain his wife would agree with his sentiment. She shared all his opinions, as a proper wife did. Without a doubt, young people should keep their trivial interests and conversations to themselves during meals. His children, when they came, would be taught properly.

Collins excused himself as quickly as could be, claiming a need for fresh air. Charlotte smiled and encouraged him to go, noting that he must miss the time spent he usually spent in his garden and that a walk seemed necessary to his constitution.

A blast of chill wind buffeted his face as he stepped out. Though it burned the tips of his ears, he welcomed the discomfort to distract him from his own rising agitations. He pulled his hat down more snugly and tightened his scarf.

While Hertfordshire was pleasant enough and Lucas lodge offered many comforts, it was nothing to his parsonage in Kent, the place he was currently unwelcome because of the thoughtless, headstrong actions of his dear cousin Elizabeth. His shoulders twitched at the thought.

How he despised Lady Catherine’s wrath. On his own count, he never felt it, but now that his unruly and unrepentant cousin had crossed her ladyship, he felt its full fury. The hair on the back of his neck prickled. He rubbed it though his muffler though it did little to ease his discomfort.

Lady Catherine sounded just like his mother when in high dudgeon and her temper was much like his father’s. How vexed her ladyship would be to be compared with such common folk. He chuckled, nonetheless. Certainly she would never hear that from him. Since both his parents had passed there was no chance Lady Catherine would ever notice the comparison.

Read the rest at: P&P200: The Extensive Musings of Mr. Collins on the Occasion of his Cousin’s Wedding | Austen Authors.


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